How to Survive Your Family Reunion, The Toast, June 2015

I wrote this at 3 a.m. sometime after Easter.
Sent it off to The Toast (everyone should read them, I swear).
They accepted it, asked me to add to it a bit, and I’ve been sitting on my hands since for it to be published.

I swear, I’ve never seen a piece of mine online so completely unchanged from how I submitted it.
Like. Wow. The typo is even my fault.