So this is Christmas

So I didn’t celebrate Christmas growing up. As an adult, I’ve enjoyed the opportunity.

I dunno, in the years since I’ve made the choice to be part of it, I always felt that there was just…something in the air around Christmastime, you know? Like, the phrase it’s Christmas meant that we all sort of remembered our humanity a little more. Strangers said, “Happy holidays” like they actually meant it. You think about the gifts you’re picking out for special people and for people who have less than you, and you just feel warm inside, right? Like this is what we should feel for each other all year round, but that’s really hard, but we can make it happen this one month out of the year maybe.

I think that’s why this time of year is so special to me now. It’s like, maybe, collectively, we all open our eyes a little wider, let our hearts get a little bit bigger, and go, yeah. It’s Christmas.

I’ve felt that way for so many years now. Every December, it’s Christmas. Time to feel like…like humans are humans all the world around and we can see each other a little clearer, a little brighter, with a little more hope.

This year, I don’t feel that.

I feel guarded and mistrustful.
I feel naive more than anything.
Like, ha, yeah, tell me again how humans see humanity in each other. Tell the fairytale one more time.

Damn.